Why There’s Nothing Sexy About a Tight-arse On Valentine’s Day

Continuing the theme of my armchair theories on ‘love’ (mainly its non-existence), relationships and what attracts one person to another and then just as quickly repels them again, and exactly why all of this happens, I’m going to talk about Valentine’s Day.

Yes, Valentine’s Day. It’s just around the corner, and while the rational-brained among us cynically view the day as yet another money-making ploy akin to Father’s Day, woe betide any man who fails to spend adequately on their female on Valentine’s Day.

You may be poor and you may not wish to waste your money on tat just because the card companies say you should, but be warned: scrimping on Valentine’s Day is a false economy. Hedge your bets too low and you could be waking up alone come February 15th.

Just shows how shallow them women are then innit if that happens right? Wrong, idiot. I’ll explain why what you’re willing to spend on the one you love equates to a much deeper meaning about the chances of your genes being passed on and the survival of the species.

Men and women are very different and have different roles, all designed to promote the survival of the species. The best men in cavemen days, that is, the men that women wanted to mate with, were strong, able to hunt, fight and provide for their mate and their offspring. They’d bring home the dinner, defend the cave, and fight off other men who tried their luck with their lady.

All of this was essential to ensure children were raised and the best genes were passed on. There would be no point in a woman selecting a man who did not protect her and provide for her while she brought up the children, because it wouldn’t work.

But we’re not cavemen are we? No, we’re not. But society has evolved too quickly for these traits, wants and needs to be eradicated from us as a species. We still have the same wants, needs and instincts.

Now though, strength and power are demonstrated through money and effort. It doesn’t matter so much anymore if you’re big and strong. And so where to a cavewoman a man producing a deer he’s slain for supper won her heart, so thoughtful presents and effort shown on occasions like Valentine’s day (if not EVERY day) translate to the female as ‘I love you and I will make the effort to care for you’.

If you don’t make the effort, this is fine and is of course your prerogative, and it screams ‘I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU’. Even if your female tries to take it rationally and acts like she doesn’t mind, her instincts will be urging her otherwise. And instincts are very difficult to override; look at us all, we’re all existing thanks to the mating instinct.

And so your female is likely to trot off to find another who does care.

There’s a reason men need to woo women and it’s not because females are materialistic. It’s because they need to be shown that you’re willing to put yourself out for them, financially or otherwise.

In the same way as to the cavewoman there was nothing sexy about a weeny, short, skinny weak man, there’s nothing sexy about a tight arse today.